Hey! any of you casual blog readers. I'm just posting this so that a couple of classmates can respond to it, 'cause we didn't have enough time in class. And if you're reading this, Cassandra, I'm sorry. I really do wish I could go back and redo the 7th form year, just for fun.
I remember...
I remember many things about my childhood but none of the details.
I don’t remember why I hit my best friend’s brother up on the mound behind our house, but I know I did once.
I don’t remember building the tree house in the border of the farmer’s fields or why we were scared to be caught stealing materials from his dump.
I don’t remember why any of the caterpillars we collected from the eucalyptus tree at the edge of the reserve never became butterflies.
I don’t remember who first dared to dive off the fence around the pool into the water or why we even decided to try it.
I don’t remember why I felt astonished when my father took my brother out with a hockey stick but I never forgot he did it.
I don’t remember ever having any of my friends visit inside our house but I can’t believe that it never happened.
I don’t remember why I visited Cassandra A’s house one day and I’ve been sorry ever since that I hadn’t done so when we were both young and shy.
It’s sad. I hardly remember any details at all.
But I do remember this: I remember lying on my back in the yard once and watching the clouds go by and seeing their shapes change, just because looking at clouds was the most important thing to do, on that day to which I have always wished to return.
What works for me:
ReplyDeleteI like your style. You use the “I don’t remember” set up to turn the assignment slightly on its ear and make it humorous as you obviously do remember some details, because you are sharing them with us.
As I mentioned earlier, I think that your final scene is made all the poignant because it is the only one that you “remember” and the scene with the most details.
What made me pause:
There are several instances where your word choice made me stop and think. I believe my confusion is due to the fact that I don’t speak the New Zealand vernacular, you do. Leave the words in because they are a part of your dialect, a part of you, and this is your story. You might want to consider adding a clarifying word or phrase thought. Here are the ones that tripped me up the most and what I think they mean.
1. Mound: a giant hill of bare dirt leftover from construction
2. Reserve: a protected forest of somekind
~the idea of you living next to a dirt mound, a protected forest, and a farm is hard for me to buy without any more details(did you grow up at the edge of the ________reserve where forest gave way to farms?) because those three do not go together in my experience.
3. Took … out: Did your father punish your brother with the hockey stick, take him out back for a whipping, or roughly knock him over in a hockey game?
I also had to pause and muddle over the Cassandra Appleton section. This event was obviously a formative one in your life because she is the only person you name in the entire piece, not even your family gets named. As a reader, I feel like you are lying through omission, because I feel like there is a juicy story waiting to unfold, but it never does. The story moves on to cloud watching while my mind is wondering what happened to Cassandra: Did she die? Did y’all fight? Did you kiss? Did someone get seriously injured? What happened to make you apologetic for not visiting her when you were younger and shy?
Thank You
This piece is a beautiful illustration of how children think differently than adults. As a child, we find things like details, so important to adults, unimportant and place emphasis on the big picture instead. Your piece captures that dissonance that lives in all of our memories.
I really like the flow and rhythm through your piece. there isn't a break from the flow in the piece and I like that. you seem to have a great hold on the words that are used in your piece. I liked the idea that you took a different spin on the I remember piece. To me it had a great sarcastic under tone that meant you knoew these things or you wouldn't have brought it up in the first place.
ReplyDeleteBut I think the one thing that bothers me about it is being left wondering then what? You got me hooked and I want to know more? What happened?
I wonder what your peice would be like if you used this as assigned. What would you keep, or leave out?
I honestly, don't have anything other than that to add for the workshop. Sorry.
Good work! You are very talented.